


Ancap and the 5G Covid Pussy

by Veni 𓁣 (TooDumbToDie)



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:55:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28525821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooDumbToDie/pseuds/Veni%20%F0%93%81%A3
Summary: Sometimes the side chick ain't even a chickSometimes it's a Campbell's condensed chicken noodle soup
Relationships: Ancap/a can of soup
Comments: 18
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not going anon since I'm not a pussy and I've written worse. Enjoy xoxo

That night was something to remember but repeat again, three gears turning, three conditions to be met for this once in a lifetime opportunity. And that morning, he had felt a weird pain in his forehead. In the exact spot where his new Tesla mind chip had been installed two weeks earlier. But it was nothing more than the itch of his new Fedora he had brought, the literal gold threads interwoven in the material scratching at his forehead and thought nothing of it. 

And what a fool he was, as his limousine passed under the newly installed 5G towers, delivering the fastest download speeds with the lowest latency currently achievable by man. And he didn’t think anything of it either as he took an ecstasy pill, waiting patiently to feel the effects of the soon exhilarating high.

  
\- - -

Ancap carefully started to open the can of soup and then pried the lid open with a butter knife. Inside of the can sat the cold chicken noodle soup and something in his MDMA-addled brain made him unzip his pants and slide his dick carefully into the said chicken noodle soup. It felt cold around his dick, the noodles tangling like Medusa’s hair. And just like Medusa, he was rock hard. It was strange but he didn’t think much of it. I mean, after all, MDMA makes you horny as fuck.

And slowly, he tries to fuck into the can, quickly bottoming out, his tip hitting the bottom of the can of soup. He cringes in pain, the feeling of nails against a chalkboard but it’s his poor dick. He lets out a curse and slowly pulls his dick out of the can. 

It’s still covered in soup, bits of carrot which have somehow stuck there and dripping broth. And with that, he starts to jerk himself off. His hand moves rhythmically up and down his length, gathering up speed like a pasta machine churning out thin strands of spagetti. And then he churns out his own strands of spagetti, all over his hand and the tiled kitchen floor.

Waves of bliss but then instance realisation at what he had done. His dick still had a stray noodle hanging off it and his hands smelled like chicken. He had just fucked a can of soup and with that, he cleans himself up and continues with his life normally. Until the next time...


	2. Chapter 2

The kitchen in the extremist’s was completely empty and spotless apart from a solitary can of chicken soup sitting on the counter. Some of it had dripped onto the floor. And in that moment, Tankie decided none of this was going to waste.

He carefully picked up the sticky can, poured it’s content into a bowl and started to microwave it. And he watched, his red eyes focused on the rotating bowl of delicious soup inside of the microwave.

Beep.

And with that, he pulled it out, grabbed a spoon and tucked in. It tasted peculiar. A bit too salty but he ate it anyway. After all, no food was going to waste on his watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kin tankie


End file.
